Petting an Elephant [and other, less important, things].

I've been trying to take time to love myself. I both do that to an insane degree and not at all in vet school. While I absorb myself in my goals and my dreams and my work, I often forget to remember that I am more than my career choice. I went to a restaurant by myself tonight. I've never done that. But I got home from work, starved and not feeling at all up to cooking, and dying to get out of my little apartment that has become my world other than work, so I went to a restaurant down the street. I'm tipsy from my one blue moon. I blame this on the severe dehydration I experience at work, despite drinking tons of water. However, the intoxication is good, because it has encouraged me to write when little else has recently. So, anyway, I ate by myself. I always look at people eating alone (especially old people) in restaurants and my heart feels like it's breaking. I think that's the extrovert in me. I assume they are lonely and sad and wish for company, because that is my general way. My dinner alone was not too bad, though. I spoke to my two barstool neighbors, both men older than me. The first was nice and polite, the second was drunk as a skunk and chattering on about things that made no sense at all. But I found him entertaining, and I enjoyed my beer and chicken tenders. I needed a good meal after this week.

I think I'm finding it hard to write because I can't be fully honest on here. I'm not good at not being fully honest. I must explain those stories and feelings which are good and pleasant.  So, I think to focus myself to the task at hand, I will write 10 good things that have happened since I last wrote. 

1. I got to pet an elephant! I went to the zoo the other day by myself in the ninety degree weather, and I had the best time ever. I got to observe elephants and a tiger swimming in their ponds. I watched a baby gorilla slyly tap his dad on the shoulder and go running so when the dad turned he didn't see the child. Classic trick, gorilla baby. I watched monkeys grooming and sharks swimming and lions lounging. And I happened to be in the right place at the right time. I saw a sign saying that I could have my picture taken with an elephant for money, and it was in fifteen minutes. I grabbed a quick ice cream cone and waited diligently for my chance to take a picture with an elephant. When I got up to the front of the line, the woman said, "Just you?" And I proudly handed her my token showing that I had paid and said, "Yes!" (As if you need a companion to take a picture with an elephant...psh!) I had watched timid families standing a few feet away from Victoria (I had asked her name) and gently touching an ear when allowed to pet her. I came up and exuberantly started scratching her face and talking to her and feeling my heart positively explode with joy. It has been a few years since I have touched an elephant. I wish I could do it every day. They are so majestic and wonderful and ah! 

2. The baby sloth, Valentino. Every morning, when I come in, I go and say hi to the sweetest little being ever. He's typically wrapped up in his sleeping box, underneath his blue blanket. I say, "Good morning sweet baby," and he, in slow sloth manner, gently raises the blanket from one eye, then gently from the other and looks sleepily at me. Some mornings he has been grumpy when woken, and showed me his teeth before pulling the blanket over his head again. Other mornings, he climbs out of his nest and starts hanging on the bars and making adorable squeaking noises. He has the world's tiniest pupils. I am so excited when his trainers come in to work with him, teaching him how to climb on his portable tree-like apparatus for encounters. He has a variety of treats to reward him, but he prefers to eat his boiled egg and doesn't often want to touch his vegetables. I'm not allowed to touch him. His trainers are working to keep him from bonding dependently on humans. However, my little chats with him in the morning, and just watching him be this slow little snuggly baby make my heart joyful. 

3.  This call duck named Milo. I don't know what it is about this little sassafras that wants to eat all our faces and take over the world that I love so much. She hates everyone but herself. She loves to look in her mirror and watch her sleek white body glide across her pond. She loves to make a mess of her food, and gets incredibly impatient if it is not presented to her immediately. She has a tiny, incessant quack-quack-quack that is meant to be threatening to us humans, but is actually pretty adorable sounding. When you have to do anything with her, such as move her into a crate to clean her cage, or even just put new water in with her, she goes full attack mode. She flings her little body at your hands and arms with that quack-quack-quack and starts nipping you all over with her bill. Her bites pinch, but not too bad. She considers herself to be the star of this show and to control all of us, and yet she is tiny and adorable and can't do much harm. I believe its her never-dying bold spirit that I am so in love with. 

4. The African grey parrots. We have two of them. Earl Grey and Zane Grey. They absolutely amaze me. They can both speak, and they like to imitate various workers at the aviary, often repeating "Hello, Earl" in various voices. They make phone text message alerts that sound so real you often check your phone. Early particularly likes to sing, and when I am cleaning in his room, we often spend the morning matching pitch on little 3-4 note songs he makes up. He doesn't much like to repeat my songs, so I usually just end up repeating his creations. They are so intelligent and beautiful, and they both amaze me. 

5. A sweet crested coua named Brad. This is another bird that I've grown quite fond of. He has a malformed foot and is kept with us because he needs special bandages to protect that foot. He has gorgeous blue eyeliner and a tiny grey mowhawk. He stays in his cage while you are cleaning it, and the first time I stuck my head in there, he perched in my hair. He gets a little mouse (dead) with his breakfast, and he prefers to take it out of my hand rather than fly down to retrieve it. I bend to his wishes because he has alot of personality. 

6. A winery trip and visit to my landlord's house. My landlord is a sweet old Italian man who loves good food as much as I do. I believe I mentioned him taking me to a delicious restaurant previously. A few days ago, the other people who live in my house and me drove out of the city and met him at a really cool winery near his house. We sat outside under an arch way that had grape vines crawling up it, right beside a babbling stone fountain, and enjoyed bottles of fruity wine and delicious pasta. After dinner, he was determined to show me his little farm. I felt as if I were in a novel, and he were an eccentric character. The farm house was a typical white two-story, but inside was not typical at all. On his dining room table sat several jars of little candies, all of which he tried to send us home with. On his walls, from floor to ceiling, even going up the stairs and into the second floor, were pictures and paintings. His mother in law was an artist, apparently, and as he had heard that I like to paint, proceeded to show me every one of the eighty or so original paintings of hers hung all over the house. He also wanted to explain his pictures, They were all held in a manner that he specifically explain to me as an economical way to hang pictures. Various 5x7s had been taped to a piece of thick poster board and covered over with a sheet of plexiglass. The plexiglass was held to the poster board with huge binder clips on each side. Beside his bed, he had three large dog beds for his one old arthritic dog named Sandy, who clearly adored him. What areas of the house didn't contain modest furniture one might expect to see in a flea market were covered in stacks and stacks of books. He told me his life history, of his late wife, of his travels, and many many acquaintances. This precious act of trust and need for companionship that allowed him to invite us into his home absolutely touched my heart. 

7. My new pet mouse. I was feeling quite whimsical after my trip to the zoo and aquarium the other day, and I decided that I needed a fish to take care of. I'm always wanting something to take care of, and I missed having a pet with me. I traveled to the pet store after the zoo and spent some time looking at fish equipment. It was all fairly expensive, and I have a really bad track record and keeping fish alive for long. I gave up on the idea and was merely perusing the small rodents, when I saw a little black mouse with a note on his cage saying he was two years old (mice only live to be about 3) and had been dropped at the humane society. Wouldn't you love to let him spend his twilight years with you? I think it was the use of the words "twilight years" (or maybe I just have a problem, but I'm not trying to admit that here now). Needless to say, I ended up deciding I must adopt this little senior mouse. Okay, fine, I have a problem. Back home, I have the absolute works to take care of rodents. I had made my gerbils the Taj Mahal of gerbils when I had them. However, that stuff is back home. So what did I do? I spent the last of my meager savings purchasing things I already have in order to adopt a mouse that will probably live less than a year. But he's sweet and happy and makes tunnels in his bedding all night long. I haven't handled him too much yet, because I want him to get settled in, but alas, I am with another pet. I think this will be my constant exclamation over the years. Not, "I am with child," but "I am with pet...again." 

8. Learning that Daisy is doing amazing. As reports would have it, my sneaky bread and butter-loving dog who before I left on this trip was hospitalized for eating one whole pound of Crisco, and who can open child-locks and twist tops and any cabinet in front of her, has apparently not eaten anything other than her regular food since I left. I am in utter shock over this fact. Makes me almost worry she doesn't miss me at all, since she's not acting out....but truly, I am SO pleased to hear she has been behaving herself and is doing well with my family back home on the farm. I miss her more than words can tell. 

9. Talking to my boyfriend each night. I can consider this one act to be the primary factor in my sanity over these few weeks. Being away from home in a big city with a new job has left me on a bit of an emotional rollercoaster, and even from afar, it's as if he's sitting beside me, not screaming or laughing, but looking only at me, ever steady,  holding my hand and promising me everything will be okay. We watch television together on the phone and he listens to me ramble on and on about little details from work. He wakes in the middle of the night to my messages when I have a bad dream to soothe me back to sleep. I think I'd forgotten a bit how truly blessed I am until I was away and desperately needed his comfort. I absolutely love that man to pieces. 

10. The beautiful churches. One thing I will give Pittsburgh, even though they are dirty and crowded and strange as all cities are to me, they have some stunningly gorgeous architecture, most exuberantly shown in their churches and temples. It seems that every corner I turn, my eyes can light upon some glorious feat of design, and I am thankful for it.